Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
