and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
