How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
