whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
