Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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