She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize