I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
