if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
