Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
