I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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