I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
