i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize