Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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