just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
