So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
