we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
