So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Help. Why am I so naked?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize