I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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