Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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