im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
