Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
