i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
