I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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