My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
