Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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