Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
