i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
