She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
