she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
