I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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