So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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