How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
