she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
