the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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