Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
