did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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