Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Randomize
