Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Well I just put wine in my tea
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
