My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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