If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
