Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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