sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize