I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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