Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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