so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
