I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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