Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
PANTIES FOUND
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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