things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
