just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
