So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
