No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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