Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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