I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Randomize
