My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
