Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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