found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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