Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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