My room smells like vodka and shame
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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