if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
