I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
is wine microwaveable?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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