I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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