Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
