Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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