who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
