she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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