Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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