why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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