are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
