You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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